Lies

We all live a sad complicated life.
When we were young, everything was simple.
I like you, you like me, lets be friends.
Friendship was liking the same things, playing
together everyday, going to the same school.
It was a rare thing to have backstabbing or bitching
or pretending you like that friend although you secretly
don't give a fuck.You could do the silliest thing on earth,
and no one could say mean stuff about you because afterall,
you are just a young child.

Then as we move on to the age where we notice the
opposite sex and is able to think in a more rational,
mature way, thats when everything started.
People could put on a facade, could say the most venemous
things about you-behind your back.It takes a sinfully long
time, and many repeated mistakes, to know who will leave
you, and who will stand by you till the end of time.You never
know, whether in your group of friends you're the black sheep,
or among everyone they think you cant fit in.This is the age
when you know what stress and true friendship is.

I dont know if im getting by on acquaintances and good friends
who arent that good afterall.

I think i just need to go on a hiatus to organise my head.

I dont like blogging anymore because whatever i blog, you like to make replies in your blog, which pisses me off even more that I get an even more splitting headache. You're probably gonna make another post in your blog after this to spite me and say stuff like " im sorry im the cause of your splitting headache".

I dont like blogging anymore because i cant express anything anymore.

I need a diary now.

People don't understand. When I was younger, I used to marvel and feel so blessed over the fact that I knew and had countless friends. But when I fast forward to the present, everything slowly dissipates to just me spending minutes, hours trying to figure out why I've been reduced to this state. self-pity. I've got so much things tumbling all over in my head, but they never come out nicely in a structured organised way. I dont understand why when I manage to let out a few thoughts and just talk about it, everyone just assumes and carelessly, hurtfully comment that I think too much. Arent people given the freedom, the right to think whatever they want and feel whatever they are feeling? I've been feeling smothered for so long, that even this feeling has numbed me, i dont even know why I feel this way. Thinking to me, is like breathing, just that well, maybe i breathe more than others. So when friends tell me like as if im doing something unorthodox, i feel frustrated. People don't understand. They can comfort you all they can, consoling that they know what you're going through, but what is it that you understand? What do you even know?

Never in my 16 years I've come across anyone.Anyone who could know without asking how I was feeling or exactly what I was feeling at that certain moment.

The meaning of time

To understand the meaning of one year,

ask a student who failed his exam

To understand the meaning of one month,

ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby

To understand the meaning of one week,
ask the editor of weekly magazine

To understand the meaning of one day,
ask a daily wage labour

To understand the meaning of one hour,
ask a girl who is waiting for her boyfriend

To understand the meaning of one minute,
ask a person who has missed the train

To understand the meaning of one second,
ask a person who survived the accident

To understand the meaning of one milli-second,
ask a sprinter who won a silver medal in the olympics

You Thought This Was Just A Site.

This is my vessel of raw true thoughts.
This is my consolation.
This is my confidante.
This is my memory.
This is my friend.
This is my reminder.
This is my life-lesson.
This is my anecdotes.
This is a part of me.
These words are heavy with meaning.

You never knew that whatever's on my mind could always be read between the lines,
could be found here.

My Favourite Part of Little Prince

From The Book, 'The Little Prince'.

Ah, little prince! So it was, gradually, that I came to understand your melncholy little life! For a long time your only pleasure had been to watch the gently setting sun. I learned this new detail on the morning of the fourth day, when you said to me:

"I am very fond of sunsets. Let's go this moment and look at a sunset."
"But we shall have to wait. . ."
"Wait for what?"
"Wait until it's time for the sun to set."

At first you seemed very taken aback. Then you laughed at yourself and said:
"I still keep thinking I'm at home!"
Just so. For as everyone knows, when it is noon in the United States the sun is setting over France. If you could get to France in a twinkling, you could watch a sunset right now. Unfortunately France is rather too far away. But on your tiny planet, little prince, you had only to move your chair a few steps. You could watch night fall whenever you liked.

"One day," you said, " I watched the sunset forty-three times!"
And a little later you added:
"You know, when one is that sad, one can get to love the sunset."

"Were you that sad, then, on the day of the forty-three sunsets?"
But the prince made no answer.

Shards

Im not the only one you love,
Im not the only one you miss,
Im not the only one you want,
Im not the only one you want to hold,
Im not the only one in your mind,
Im not the only one you care for,
Im not the only one anymore.

Facade

Smile to make others worry less.
Smile to bring joy to others.
Smile because people will like you more.
Smile because you cant cry.
Smile.

We dont need masks, we all just need a convincing smile.

:)

Clear

Tonight I see the true you,the troubled you, the bitter you, the masked you, the pitiful you, the sorrowful you, the confused you, the unappreciated you, the defensive you, the two-faced you, the deceiving you. With all my sympathy,anger and disappointment i pour this out, because now I finally understand , even through your misty defensive unclear stand, I can still see.

I doubt you can turn over to a new page yet.Have a fine time trying to clear up the mess you've made of your own tales-infested life.

Crawl

Do you walk around aimlessly, just to waste time?
Do you think lessons are a bore and the teachers suck?
Do you wish you could just play all day?

Thats because you dont have a purpose in life.

Some people claim they take years trying to find it,
you arent suppose to search for it,
you are suppose to create a purpose.

Have you thought about the amount of time you wasted
playing computer games and just wishing time to pass?

Grasp your hand

When Im sad I want you near, i want you close that theres no space between us.
When I think of you, I cant help my heart from melting, from wanting to draw you in even closer.
I wish that you'd be by my side, forever and ever, I could die happy like this.
You're my everything,deedee.
I love you!

Drag

i want to withdraw into myself.
i want to breathe inside.
i want to hide inside.
i want to get lost inside.
i want to never find a way back out.
i dont know why i speak like this anymore.

Notes

Im so different from what I was last time.
Im so different, sometimes I wonder what did I go through to be like this.
I've changed.

Distance

I take a deep breathe.
I try to find some reason, all the thousands,millions of reasons in my head.
I try to figure my mind out, all the thousands,millions of things going through inside.
I wish everything was as structured and organised as it was like how libraries are,
how squares are, how tiles on my kitchen floor are.
I dont understand myself.

Dedication

In your drowning self-pity you created a monstrosity.
You enveloped your entire-being with cloudy gloom, trying to shield yourself helplessly.
You want arms, arms that wound around you tightly,to share a little warmth, to stay a little while, to hold you and your excruciating unbearable pain.


You just wanted him to love you back because you thought no one else would.
Take off that mask and let your real self show, you'll breathe easier.

Why

Most of the time I come here almost in tears, choked with anger and hurt, suffocated with sorrow and ache.I tell myself things are like this because Im just having a bad time of my life,because thats just how it is supposed to be. But its difficult, its so hard trying to pretend I dont care, because I am so fucking affected by it, how what the fuck I did, could cause me to make enemies within a few days just because of a small tiff. How I end up apologising, trying to reconcile, to clarify and start anew, but I end up being the worst 24 hours of people's life.
Whats so wrong with me?

Die Alone

Know what it's like when you feel you're the cause for everything?
When you suddenly feel its better to go back to the start, or rewind to where it was safest, then maybe you can start over, pretending you never went beyond that path. How everything seemed a little morbid and ominous, being the lone figure standing alone in a vast empty ground, no one to run to. You've got someone, but then again it wouldnt be nice to weigh your confidante down with your own problems, so eventually you feel like you're carrying the weight of the world, and you feel this draining hopeless dreading hollowness inside.
When you try to take the blame, and leave your pride aside all for the name of friendship, yet you dont get what you want, and everything is in vain.Its so disappointing, they never see the sincerity, while at the same time they are probably sharing hurtful and demeaning critics.Why is the world like this? Why are people like this? Why can't we all clarify, compromise, understand and finally be a part and not apart?

Sometimes life is so confusing, and disappointing. Disappointing to know that its unfair.

Fallen

I comfort myself with my own misery and tell myself Im the cause of it.
Stick to me, dont let go.

Poise

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music - Angela Monet

Dear D,

Are you alright now? Im sorry I made you feel that way, I wasnt talking about anything else, its probably just meaningless acquaintancing, you know that I have eyes for only you right? Dont feel so sad now, I promise you I wont stray and you're the only one I care for,D. Please cheer up, and I hope you do well for tomorrow's last paper alright? I love you, D! Please smile for me, ok? (hugs)

Love,

Christine

Appreciation & Understanding

When I hear you talk, I usually think you're just mumbling all this nonsensical beliefs you so strongly follow. But today, i realise, everyone has their own beliefs, their own mindset, and that maybe we should all be more appreciative, to see things from your perspective.Sometimes your philosophical mind speaks of things that we all find bizarre, something that is unorthodox, and we laugh at you, we discriminate you as a senile old man. This made me think today. How would I have felt if i were you trying to share my passion for being understood, my own beliefs which other people may find perhaps even more weird, share about what makes me keep calm, about the things I try to do, and yet, no one would try to see it from my side and just laugh at me, labelling me as somewhat crazy?
I dont understand why you dont sew eyes for your stuffed toys, i dont understand why you even make them (because i was sleeping while you were explaining),and this makes me curious. What have you gone through in your life, to do all these things and be so confident about it?