8-Y (python...psssst)

fucking hell i need to study i need to study omg Midyear is next week monday & I have not started on anything, not even a single,minute,miniscule thing.I think im preparing to kill myself. Fuck o levels are coming nearer i m blabbering like a lunatic & yet I have not gathered my fucking motivation to fucking study. FUCK! I must also stop swearing. dSKLfgblzsiuekdb
sorry. I need to keep cool, i must breathe in breathe out & FUCKING MEMORISE ESSAYS, FORMULAS,TACKLE SUMS, UNDERSTAND FUCKING CHEMISTRY. my life is over. my life is over. oh mai icicles.

i think when im brave/courageous/strong/extremely fuckingly determined enough,
i will go on a hiatus.
& really go on one & study for 1..2..3..4..5..6? AIYAH UNTIL O LEVELS IS OVER.
my social life will go down the drain drastically but at least i have a cellphone.
anything, text me.
you can ask my friends i wont write my number here.
dont fucking cb prank call me i will break your fucking fingers & you wouldnt like seeing me pissed.
oh &i need to stop.sleeping.at.2am.every.fucking.damn.night.

goodnight fuck off

i need to burn my laptop and destroy it.

Eerie Comforting Mellow

Hopefully one day I can bake them like that too :(

If I learn how to bake that is. Pfft.

Before you disappear, just give it time.

I had no idea "Love,actually" is such a sweet romantic christmassy movie. Everything seem so fairytale-hollywood-ish, but it was really worth watching. Then it made me think, and think and think.Slowly i just started feeling sad & alone.Do things like that happen in real life? I doubt so.... I need to pull myself together.



And the worst thing is, now I dont have a roommate anymore either.

Take A Chance

Chances dont stay and wait for you to accept or reject.

If they appear, you grab it and dont let it go.

You dont leave things half undone.

for you, a thousand times over

for you, a thousand times over.

Today I feel like making a list of things I want to do after my 'O' levels.

1. Going to the beach to get a nice even tan.

2.Learn how to play touch rugby.

3.Sleep as much as I want for days.

4.Learn Sewing.

5.Get a cool job which pays well.

6.Start my own portfolio of designs & sketches.

7.Go to Shanghai (please make it happen) & HANG WITH LEI NUO SI!

8.Lose weight (Its always on the list so,yeah)

9.Make a freaking bank account,and save money.

10.Redecorate my room to the kind of style that I want it in.

11.Volunteer @ SPCA

12.Learn how to dance(hip-hop etc)

13.Get a make-over.Hair,style,whatevs.

14.Learn French!!!

15.Or Tamil( kidding, i know a few words already actually)

16.Go jogging in the morning at least 4 times a week.

17.Make loads more new friends.

18.Catch up with old primary school friends(reunion!)

19.Read as many books as I can.

20.Design my own clothes( possible!)

21. Stay out late

22.Go to another chalet with all my classmates for our one last gathering

23.Gain more knowledge on whats going on around the world.

24.Learn a new word everyday.

Thats all folks, for now.

Its 1.11am, imma hit the sack.

Shiver

For once in my life, i have admitted i am afraid. I'm afraid, im scared of what the future holds for me,will I make it? Will everything be worth it? Will everything turn out right? ...

Times like this I wish I could give everything up and live my life as a school dropout, but I know i know better, I wouldnt want to let my parents down, my friends down, everyone down and most importantly, myself down.I know I wouldnt want to give the satisfaction to those who want to see me on the ground,to those who curse me.I want to prove to myself I can achieve something, but the constant pressure ; Expectations, Examinations, Targets, Lack of time, all of these wears me down.

A friend told me to listen to Coldplay to feel better,& it definitely is working,but simultaneously,"The Scientist" sounds so sad to me, it makes me feel like breaking down into tears more. Why do I always end up feeling so blue and lousy? Why can't I just feel the warmth of the sun, the feel-good vibes of a smile and enjoy everything?

Tell me how to get a grip of myself, tell me how to gain my momentum, tell me how to put on a brave front and take a step forward. Someone please be there for me, someone please tell me you know all of this and you can guide me. Please.

Eradicate,Bitch

Only 4 months have passed & I am already fervently wishing it would end ASAP.Perhaps this is because Im too much of a perfectionist, I have countless regrets within a short period of time, I hate so vehemently, and I give up easily, but whatever 2009 had in store for me for the 4 months has worn me down.

I like new beginnings, it means you get another chance, you start afresh on a new chapter of life, you are armed with more knowledge of what to be cautious of due to previous mishaps.Yeah, its pretty easy to tell yourself," Alright, lets start all over again. This time I wont do this/that..etc" and go back to the start, but life isnt some computer game, where you can restart at your own will if you lose or use up your chances.Even if you wanted to, even if you wanted to start anew and come back with a total different self, nobody would really understand or support you because they'll think you're just trying to be someone you're not/trying too hard.But what do people know?

What do they know about you?Do they even know the real you?Isn't one of life's purpose to find one's true self?I dont even know the true me, I dont know if whatever Im saying now makes much sense to anyone out there,sometimes I dont even understand myself,why I am so rash/cold,I forget my reasons for it,I lose all my purpose in my actions and feelings,everything.I lose everything.